Character Reference: Everything You Need to Know

A character reference, also known as a personal reference, is a document provided on your behalf by a friend or colleague, describing your interpersonal skills and character. It differs from a work reference in that it’s unrelated to work performance and instead speaks to your personal strengths and accomplishments rather than your professional skills and qualifications.

Personal references are a common requirement when applying to a job or school, seeking volunteer work, or joining a professional organization. Usually, you won’t get to see the reference itself. You’ll either ask the person to provide a reference directly to the organization requesting it, or you’ll give your reference’s contact information to the organization, and they’ll reach out to your reference directly.

It’s most common for this type of personal reference to be written, either as a letter or an email, although occasionally the information can be provided verbally.

Character references can vary depending on the organization asking for the reference and what your potential role with the organization will be. Usually, however, they do share some standard elements:

• Reason for writing: The introduction of the reference letter usually explains the purpose of the letter. The writer will describe who reached out to them for the letter and why.
• How the writer knows you: In the first body paragraph, the writer should explain how they know you. This usually includes the length of time you’ve known each other, the capacity in which you met, and your current relationship.
• Information about you: The third body paragraph provides detailed information about you, including specifics about your personality and interpersonal skills. It’s best if the writer accompanies each descriptor with a specific example.
• Recommendation statement: In the closing of the reference letter, the writer should offer a direct recommendation on your behalf.
• Contact information: After signing the letter, the writer should include contact information in case the hiring manager or other organizational official would like to know more. This is usually a phone number or email address, but could also include a mailing address.

Before learning how to ask for a character reference, you first need to know who you can and should ask. Many people can serve as a personal reference:

• Longtime friends
• Close neighbors
• Work colleagues or peers
• Personal or professional mentors
• Coaches
• Professors
• Teachers
• Volunteer coordinators
• Religious leaders

When at all possible, avoid asking family members and work supervisors to serve as your personal references. Family members’ references and recommendations often carry less weight than others since they’re related to you. Conversely, it’s unlikely that your work manager knows you well enough on a personal level to write an effective reference of this kind. Business supervisors and managers are best used for professional references and recommendations.

Consider the organization and role for which you’re applying before you select your reference writer. For example, if you’re applying for a volunteer opportunity and you’ve volunteered in the past, seeking a personal letter of reference from a previous volunteer coordinator or colleague would be a strong fit. If you’re applying to go to college or graduate school, a recommendation from a past teacher, professor, or classmate/friend would work well.

When you’ve determined the appropriate person or people to ask for a reference, follow these steps to ask them if they would prepare a personal reference on your behalf.

1. Decide how to approach them. In most cases, an email is the best way to reach out for a personal reference request because it gives the recipient time to consider the request before responding. If the person you’re asking is a close friend or colleague whom you see regularly, a verbal request over the phone or in-person would also be appropriate. The key is to ask prior to submitting their name as a reference — you don’t want to surprise them with a call or email from the hiring organization.
2. Choose your words carefully. Ask gently for the reference, but be straightforward. Avoid subtle requests like, ‘I’m applying for a job and they asked for personal references,’ with no actual ask. The person might not understand that you’re asking them specifically to serve as a reference. Likewise, when you do ask, use direct but respectful language. Consider something like, ‘You’ve been such a great friend to me for the last five years. Would you be willing to write a reference letter for me?’
3. Provide more information. If you’re making your request via email, include additional information about the details of the reference like what the organization is, what role your seeking, what information your reference needs to provide on your behalf, the deadline for completing the reference, and the next steps in the process. If you’re asking your reference in person, offer the same information. Consider writing it down and giving it to the person for reference when they go to write their letter.
4. Send a thank you. Send your personal reference a thank-you letter after they’ve provided the reference on your behalf. If you know, include whether you received the position with their help. Depending on your relationship with the writer, a thank you email or physical thank-you card sent through the mail would be appropriate.